best use of auto-tune ever

"tiny ball of light" from Harry Potter at the Oscars.  It was pretty much amazing and it think I need to make it my new ringtone...

confusing products

We were given a baby bath chair (possibly one of the most pointless baby purchases ever in my opinion because by the time the baby is big enough to fit in this chair, they are big enough not to need one) that was the brand "Safety 1st".  However, this greatly confused Jeff because a huge notice posted right by the brand name states "This is not a safety device."  The chair also states that children can drown while using it.

My thoughts run along the lines of wondering how much water someone would put in the tub while giving their baby a bath?  I mean, you're only supposed to fill a few inches.  Are kids drowning because their parents are filling tubs up to the brim?  Because there is no way possible for a baby to drown while strapped in a chair in 2 inches of water.  Even if the baby was a contortionist it couldn't bend itself down enough to purposefully frown in a chair in two inches of water.  And if they could, then the chair really isn't safe, and the brand name would be even more laughable.

Best gift ever

The best gift to give your foot obsessed cat is a pair of your old bunny slippers.  They look like stuffed animals, but they smell like feet.  I swear, my cat is a freak.  Offer her a choice of:

A) something awesome that any cat would love

or

B) a pair of really nasty smelling gym shoes that she could nuzzle

She will go for B every time.  Seriously, I have watched Jeff take off a pair of sneakers that he's been wearing all day, and the second he walked away Luna stuck her whole head into one of the shoes and just stayed there for a few minutes.  Like a disgusting version of an ostrich.

This kid's got muscle

My stomach almost flung me off the couch today when Liam decided to kick me.  I'm thinking about signing him up for an infant soccer team this summer.  Of course, since infants can't walk or anything, their parents would have to be on the field with them supporting they babies top halves.  All the babies would really have to do is kick every once in a while.  But if he can kick me this hard and he hasn't even been born, the goal posts would have to be placed much further than ordinary soccer goals.  Can you imagine that game?  I would totally pay to see that.  It would be so much cooler that pretty much any other sport I can think of.  My kid rocks.

You know you must be massively pregnant when...

you become obsessed with the depth of your belly button.

You heard me.

I will seriously stick my finger into my belly button and see how deep it goes.  Lately, it's pretty darn shallow.  This kind of freaks me out a little, because those preggo outtie belly buttons are kinda funky looking.  Not that my stomach is all cute right now or anything anyway.  But still...

The amount a pregnant stomach can grow in general is insane.  For instance, Alicia's has grown about 3-4 inches in the last 2 weeks.  2 WEEKS!  Is that not crazy!!!  I still have 2 months to go!  How freakin' huge am I going to get?!

who needs an alarm clock if you've got a cat?

Gotta love getting woken up by a cat at seven am on your day off.  Especially when they wake you up by licking your face until you move.

Ummm... love you too Luna...

Oh, you just want breakfast.  Yeah...

you know you must be massively pregnant when...

you go to the store wearing a baggy sweatshirt and at least one person approaches you to ask when your due date is.

Windier than Kansas in a tornedo

It is windy enough today that I'm hoping the ugly bushes in our backyard will rip themselves out of the ground and fling themselves into the park down the road.  Unfortunately though I live with the world's weenie-est cat, and every time she hears wind she freaks out and jumps about ten feet in the air.  This means super loud music all day so she can't hear the wind as much.  Yup, the music's already working.  Dance party!

scarier than a horror movie

Boys crack me up.  They think they are so though and manly.  Take Jeff for example.  He thinks he's very brave, and he can watch totally disgusting horror movies completely unfazed, but I say the word "epidural" in front of him he gets this funny tic where he shivers and freaks out for a few seconds.  Every time.  I wonder how often I can sneak that word into casual conversation before he notices or stops spazzing out?....

Best Husband Ever!

Last night we went to a pregnancy class and toured the hospital where Liam will be born.  OMG the hospital is sooo pretty and new and nice and so quiet, because L&D gets it's own building.  Anyway, there was a definite spectrum of husbands/ boyfriends, whatever in the class.  On one side there was the one poor lady by herself without any guy because her husband said it wasn't their first kid, so he didn't need to go.  There was also the dad who didn't pay attention to anything but his cell phone (because he was checking basketball scores the whole time!).  On the far other end of the spectrum was Jeff.  Jeff gave me hand and back massages the whole time.  Yes, that could be because I was kind of green and looked like I might pass put/ throw up, but hey, a massage is a massage.  Plus, Jeff actually took notes from the class, like to make me drink more water, and how to tell when to drive to the hospital from how far apart the contraction are.  It was really cute!

By the way, I really don't know why the seemingly standard way to tell what size your unborn baby is is in produce.  Currently Liam is supposed to be a squash.  Then its a short step to cantaloupe.  Unfortunately cantaloupe leads to watermelon, and the thought of pushing out a watermelon kind of scares the crap out of me!  I'm very glad the delivery rooms all have DVD players, because I'm going to bring the loudest, most distracting movies with me that I can find!

weenie cat gets kicked

I was laying on the couch today when Luna decided to take a nap on my stomach.  She was so cute, and had just fallen asleep when Liam kicked her pretty hard.  Since Luna is a huge weenie, she flew up into the air and ran away.  Apparently she still wants to hang out, but doesn't trust my lap right now, because now she's ;aying next to me on the floor instead.

just like a hangover

Liam is doing a pretty darn good impression of reminding my stomach what it felt like on the day we went bridesmaid dress shopping for Tova's wedding.  Overall, sooo not a good feeling!  If Jeff wants more than one or two kids (and I'm pretty sure he does) than he can carry them himself for nine months!

it's a good thing I work in the visuals department

While watching the guys sing at Gap on Glee this week, all I could think of was that there were several piles of sweaters shown that I desperately wanted to refold.  Some of the standards were so not up to par.

kids make it less creepy

I just realized yesterday that when you have a kid you can do things like go to Disney on Ice.  I love cheesy things like that, but if you go without a little kid, you tend to get weird looks, like people think you're a freak or a pedophile or something.  No, I just like Disney on Ice.  Plus the huge programs and snow cones!

random thought

If the Green Bay Packers had cheerleaders, would the outfits be made to look like they were made out of cheese?  Or would they just wear normal cheerleader outfits with foam cheese hats?

Third Trimester

So I've decided that as I only have 12 weeks left, the kid should just pop out now.  I mean, it'd be easier on everyone because he'd be like, 5 pounds lighter, and then he could keep me company during the day so I wouldn't be bored.  Plus, my stomach is huge, and I would really prefer it not to get huger (yes, that totally is a real word.  Ok, not really, but it should be).  I mean, I already can't see anything south of my belly button when I look down.  My toes have disappeared!  Plus, his room is almost done, so it's not like he'd have to sleep in a cardboard box for the first week or so like I did (thanks for that Grandma!).

Total random other story now, the cardboard box.
I was born three weeks early and randomly both sets of grandparents were in Lake Tahoe, not even together, which makes it even more random.  But whatever... My Grandma had ordered the crib for my parents but she hadn't had it delivered from the store yet because she saw no need to have a crib until the second the baby was supposed to arrive.  I know really know what her thought process on that was.  I mean, if the crib was ready, why couldn't it just be delivered early?  Anyway, my parents couldn't get a hold of my Grandma, and the store would only release the crib to my Grandma.  So, for several days after I came home from the hospital, I slept in a cardboard box.  Apparently it wasn't so bad though because my dad lined it with about twenty blankets and pillows.

This is the story that made me become massively overly prepared.  I've had my crib and bedding set up for at least a month now, and if Liam were to be born tomorrow, his room would really only be missing a bookshelf.  Hardly necessary for a newborn anyway.

Also, my dad was a boy scout and he has been drilling "Be prepared!" into my head since I could first understand words.  No joke.

we should be a sitcom

What are the odds of two friends (married to a set of twins) being pregnant at the same time, and both having boys?

Valentine's Day

I'm pretty sure that if Jeff had to choose one being in the house to buy a Valentine's Day gift for (between Luna and me), he would pick her.  Everything is so much cuter in miniature.  ...except she's retarded because she's currently trying to eat my scrapbook supplies.

No!  Stickers of fish are not to eat!

movement

There is far too much movement in my stomach for it to be just one baby.  I think my doctor was wrong.  I'm instead having a litter of puppies.  Or an octopus.

i sincerely hope it's just my "pregnancy nose"

My whole kitchen smells like salty cheese.

what's up with that?

Why is it always freakishly windy only when I wear a skirt or dress, and the swirlier the skirt, the stronger the wind.  But the second I change into a straighter fitting skirt or pants, the wind dies down completely.  A pregnant lady who's dress is trying to pull a Marilyn Monroe is so not attractive.  Especially if you are also carrying groceries and/or your hair is in your face trying to blind you.

criminal help

so I was kinda bored and I started thinking, since shows like CSI and Castle are on all the time, do criminals watch them and take notes of stupid mistakes they could avoid making in future crimes?  or do they think they are too cool to watch semi-cheesy cop dramas?  Because I know if I was an evil genius I would be hatching the perfect crime.  But seriously, have criminals just gotten dumber or what?  You rarely hear of smart criminals that leave no evidence, etc.  All they have to do is watch a few hours of "instructional for them" cop dramas and they would have a much longer evil career.  Just saying...

cheese cheese and more cheese

Jeff is really on a roll with this whole cheese making thing.  The cheddar has now been painted in wax to seal it for at least 8 weeks, and this past weekend he started the process of making Gouda.  I'm pretty impressed, although somehow I always seem to be the one who cleans up the kitchen afterwards... how did that happen?